Contest

Welcome to the Publishers Jeering House Sweepstakes!

It's very easy to enter and win a $$$MILLION$$$
Just printout this page, and fill in the information needed!

Entry Form

Name:________________________
Address:_____________________________
Age:____________________
Height:__________________
Weight:__________________
Number Of Hands (Check one):_0 _2
Number Of Legs (Check one):_2 _4 _6 (Note: if you have six legs, and have no hands, you are an insect. Insects have no use for money, so please stop filling out this form.)
Amount Of Money You Have Right Now: $_____________(Note: This is necessary to determine how much you will win, if you do win. The more you have, the less you win. If you have too much, we will give the money to the second place guy.)

Mail to: Publisher's Jeering House Contest


We made the address simple it would be hard to make a mistake addressing it. The post office knows where we are, they'll know where to send it.

Now then, onto step two! If you are just wasting your time filling this out, and don't really want to enter this contest, cut out the red box, and glue it to this box:

If you do want to enter this contest, cut out the blue box (Without cutting the edge of this page. We will reject it if you do so.) and Rubber Cement it (We will not except it if you used anything but Rubber Cement) to this box:

Now then, how would you like to get your money? (Circle the number)

Options 1 and 2, are currently un-availible.

1: Have us deposit it in your bank account. (You need to give us your account number)

2: Have us send you a check.

3: Be chloroformed and be driven to some remote corn field in another state. You will wake up, bound and gagged in a corn field. There will be a big sharp rock for you to cut your ropes on, and then you can run around in the corn, trying to find the safe that we put your money in. (While avoiding the pit-falls and snares.) When you find the safe, you will have to crack its three digit code. You will have three days to do this, and if you haven't cracked the code by then, the safe will explode, and destroy your money.
You will have thirteen cans of cold baked beans to eat, to last you out the days. When you break the code, an alarm will go off in the farmer's house (You're in his corn) and he will came out with a big heavy broom and swat at you with it, until you leave.
Then the only way to get back will be to rid hobo style on a cargo train filled with smoked salmon (or pickled herring, your choice) that's going back to where you live.

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